22

I’ll be 22 in a couple of days.

All this getting old stuff has had me thinking about the major choices I’ve made through out my life; choices about which extracurricular activities I chose to embrace (singing, dancing- tap for 10 years, baby!); choices about who I’ve been friends with or whom I’ve dated; definitely about where I’ve chosen to go to school (schools* rather: Columbus State, Ohio University, back to Columbus State, then finally here at Ohio State.)

All of these things-positive or negative experiences- have given shape to the person that I am right now, in this very moment.

The things that we choose to do shape a very specific kind of life, a life that is central to the kind of work that we do and the way we are as a whole.

I find myself thinking about what I will tell my future kids about the life decisions I’ve made and will make.

Why did you choose that major, mom?

Do you like what you’re doing right now?

How did you know what’s right for you?

Would you have done anything differently?

Second-guessing comes naturally to me. I don’t like to say, “doubting” because eventually I arrive at a place of contentment. I also find myself apologizing…for a lot of things, for parts of who I am and who I have been. I think to an extent this is a healthy exercise of self-awareness, but too much of it is a staggering way to live life. It sucks the joy and the excitement out of making decisions, big or small, and of feeling the freedoms of just being yourself.

I’ve been feeling burnt out, guys.

This tour has been beyond fulfilling but also it’s been exhausting and stressful.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t wanted to throw in the towel and call it a day at one point…or two.

And let me be very clear: that feeling is not because I’ve “found the school” or because I favor one over the other. No way. I think it’s just…life. (Could I be more vague?)

But fear not! There’s no way I’m quitting now!

I feel like I have to finish this tour to be able to be able to say one day, “yeah, I did that. And I did ALL of it. And I’m happy I did.”

I want to be able to accomplish something I put so much time, effort, money, and emotion into;

I want to be able to look at my future children (bless their hearts), square in the eye, and tell them that regardless of the outcome of my choices, I ended up some place better.

And I believe that to be a product of perspective and maturity.

22 is going to be good.

Better than my heartbreak-filled 20^th year.

And better than my angsty 21^st.

I hereby declare it!

I’ll nail it to whatever door I need to…preferably a door to Target... or a Nine West store :D

It will all start with a visit to The Methodist Theological School in Ohio next week!

Keep an eye out and be happy! :)